pegasus nlp blog
practical nlp applications & ideas
Rapport – feeling at ease with someone
Rapport is what we experience when we feel at ease with and trust one another. It is the result of our attitudes towards one another.
In NLP we consider rapport to be an essential foundation for good communication because without rapport there may be a lot of talk but there is little genuine exchange of views.
It can be useful to have a variety of ways of facilitating and enhancing this rapport and NLP provides us with lots of these, some of which are manipulative, some are clumsy, and some are elegant and respectful. (By the way, in NLP the word “elegant” is used to describe the most simple and effective way of doing something.)
Last week’s @pegasusnlp Twitter Tips began a new series of tips on Rapport so let’s look at the featured Tips (these are in italics below): Continue reading
Daily NLP Tips
The new daily NLP Tips series on Twitter is for people who have had some experience of NLP. This is because anything other than a reminder of an NLP concept or process would be impossible to squeeze into 140 characters – it’s a tough enough challenge as it is 
I’m planning on keeping the series going for a few weeks, at least, until I get a sense of how useful it is proving to people. I will also repost the Tips here on the Pegasus NLP Blog, along with some explanatory notes, every week or two. This is to enable people who don’t use Twitter to have access to them.
And if you do use Twitter you can follow the NLP Tips: @pegasusnlp
Day 1. The Sameness & Difference Meta Programme
Meta Programmes reminder: Sameness – first recognises how things are similar. Difference – first recognises how things are not similar. Posted Saturday, 7 February 2011.
Sameness-Difference is one of the most useful of the NLP Meta Programmes. It helps explain why some people like lots of change and variety in their lives while others prefer continuity and stability.
Day 2. Rapport through body language matching
Rapport: body language matching (most risky, liable to intrude). Match only one area e,g. torso position Allow 10-20 secs before matching. Posted on Saturday, 7 February 2011.
As already mentioned in the blog articles below the Body Language method of creating rapport is risky since it is likely to intrude into the awareness of the other person who may well misconstrue it as an attempt to manipulate or to mimic them. Nevertheless it will work quite well if done very subtly, with the 10-20 seconds delay mentioned above, and against a background of the 4 Rs. Continue reading
How not to do an appraisal
Sitting in Caffe Nero a few days ago I had the uncomfortable experience of watching and hearing a loud and brash young manager (unintentionally, I think) humiliating a soft-spoken direct report.
As appraisals go it was a pretty thorough example of how not to do it.
Rapport – what rapport?
There was no quality of rapport. The manager was clicking his pen, constantly shifting his position in his chair, bouncing his knees under the table as if to an internal fast paced rhythm, he’d start off his very loud comments by looking briefly at his victim and then continue the comments in a quite mechanical manner while gazing out the window beside their table, as if reciting a rehearsed spiel.
He (we’ll call him Jack) demonstrated no attempt to understand the other person’s (let’s call him Mohan) viewpoint and in fact showed little interest in Mohan at all. Continue reading
In relating with other people many of us unintentionally sabotage the rapport we are trying to create! We are so desperately anxious to get along well with someone and to create a good impression that we simply try too hard. As result we come across as nervous, tense, jumpy, pushy, preoccupied, or bossy – or a confusing mix of all of these.
We are trying to impress rather than to communicate. And because we are not at ease with ourselves we cause others to feel ill-at-ease. Continue reading
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