Posts Tagged ‘rapport’

How not to do an appraisal

Sitting in Caffe Nero a few days ago I had the uncomfortable experience of watching and hearing a loud and brash young manager (unintentionally, I think) humiliating a soft-spoken direct report.

As appraisals go it was a pretty thorough example of how not to do it.

Rapport – what rapport?

There was no quality of rapport. The manager was clicking his pen, constantly shifting his position in his chair, bouncing his knees under the table as if to an internal fast paced rhythm, he’d start off his very loud comments by looking briefly at his victim and then continue the comments in a quite mechanical manner while gazing out the window beside their table, as if reciting a rehearsed spiel.

He (we’ll call him Jack) demonstrated no attempt to understand the other person’s (let’s call him Mohan) viewpoint and in fact showed little interest in Mohan at all. Read the rest of this entry »

In relating with other people many of us unintentionally sabotage the rapport we are trying to create! We are so desperately anxious to get along well with someone and to create a good impression that we simply try too hard. As result we come across as nervous, tense, jumpy, pushy, preoccupied, or bossy – or a confusing mix of all of these.

We are trying to impress rather than to communicate. And because we are not at ease with ourselves we cause others to feel ill-at-ease. Read the rest of this entry »