Pegasus NLP Blog
NLP for people who like to think for themselves!
But is anger a habit?
Looking at the visitor statistics for this blog, I noticed that this year’s most visited blog article so far is ‘How we do the Anger Habit.’ In the 8 months since it was published it has been viewed just under 1800 times.
This is great and yet what I find particularly interesting is that nobody has commented on, questioned or challenged the article’s central idea – that anger is a ‘habit’ i.e. it is something that we do rather than something which happens to us.
‘It’s not may fault – that’s how I am’!
I first began introducing the idea that our emotions are really ‘habits’ in the weekly stress management courses which I began running in the mid 80’s. These were held in Dorset, in the south of the UK, and proved very popular – so much that, at one stage, I could be running four, five or even six courses per week throughout the area. Continue reading
I don’t like wasting time
People who are consistently late for appointments or meetings tends to share a particular trait. They don’t like waiting around – it’s a waste of time.
In their eyes arriving 5 or 10 minutes early for an appointment wastes valuable time that could be spent on other things. So they will cram in more activities and leave setting off until the very last minute.
In their eyes that’s being efficient.
Buffer zone
In some of our NLP courses we ‘model’ or identify what’s behind how people do things. Whenever we do this on the subject of comparing the latecomers versus the ‘on time’ people one key trait surfaces: the ‘on time’ people give themselves leeway.
In planning to arrive at 2:15 PM meeting Kerry, who likes to be on time, will estimate the journey time and then some extra time as a ‘buffer zone’ to allow for contingencies such as meeting somebody on the way, being delayed at traffic lights, the train being late, and so on. Continue reading
Strong leaders?
Since we began using outdoor activities in our trainings in the 90s which has repeatedly occurred in team development sessions: the tendency for a new team to produce one or more ‘strong leaders’ – and for this to result in the rest of the team becoming ‘weak followers’ or in their emotionally opting out of the activity. (It was from observing this dynamic that our ‘Strong leaders create weak followers’ theme began.)
Team dynamics in action
The ‘Low Ropes’ session is a great team development experiment which we introduce on the first afternoon of every NLP Core Skills course. It’s an opportunity to experience, from the inside, how a team forms, develops and pulls together and what gets in the way of this.
On the Low Ropes you are part of a group of 5-8 people who have to negotiate a series of non-strenuous team challenge and problem-solving activities, and, ideally, become a team in the process. To do this you have to pull together because the activities are designed so that one person cannot do them alone. Continue reading
Petty People in the workplace
The current Pegasus NLP Newsletter is about people who are nasty, spitful and gossipy. Who rule others through fear. Who cause dissention and undermine morale in organisations. And who play on the fact that the majority pf people want to be nice! Whereas they want to play ‘enemies and allies’.
We look at some of the different types of Petty People behaviours – and at their impact – and at what to do about them.
Spreading unhappiness
The article was inspired by conversations I’ve recently had with two people who are experiencing difficulty as a result of Petty People making life difficult in their respective workplaces.
And, when you consider that we can spend 1 in 5 waking hours at work – and even more time thinking about our jobs and travelling to and from them – having this environment contaminated by Petty People isn’t a trivial issue. Continue reading
The Self Consciousness ‘Habit’(*)
Last week’s newsletter and blog article on Self Consciousness produced quite a few e-mails, including one from Bob (not his real name) who is in his mid-30’s, has had the self consciousness habit all of his life and finds that it’s getting in the way of his finding a life partner. He said he found the simplicity of last week’s explanation of self-consciousness enlightening and is now actively putting the tips into practice – and wondered what else he could do.
The answer?
The answer, in a nutshell, is: relax, stop trying, be yourself and others will find you more interesting and attractive.
See, that was simple, wasn’t it.
Not only that but as a strategy it works for many people. And yet… as always with advice, there are important missing pieces; pieces which distinguish between platitudes and useful directions!
For example:
- The advice isn’t tailored to Bob’s personal circumstances (although there’s nothing we can do about this short of moving onto personal coaching mode)
- There is no rationale for why this advice might be useful (that’s addressed to some extent below)
- The advice lacks specific and practical ‘how to’ steps which Bob could choose to follow (that’s also addressed below).
This was to illustrate how so much advice, and so many positive thinking books, fail their audience i.e. they don’t deal with points 2 and 3. On the other hand the precision of NLP enables us to define step-by-step methods for doing things such as ‘be yourself’.
Yesterday’s announcement that the News of the World was to close down got me thinking of branding – and how easily a brand can become damaged.
Branding – just what is it?
What actually is a ‘brand’? Well, there’s the literal and comprehensive version and the down-to-earth NLP version.
The American Marketing Association defines a brand as the name, term, design, symbol, or any other feature that identifies one seller’s good or service as distinct from those of other sellers. Interesting, but I’m not sure many people outside of the marketing industry would be any wiser for reading that.
As usual NLP enables us to describe it in a more down-to-earth way because we look at what’s actually going on behind the term/word. So from an NLP standpoint we could say that a brand consists of the feelings people get when they think about a product or service. Continue reading
NLP is great, wonderful, amazing etc etc
It goes like this; you’ve been interested in NLP for a while and have found that it has made a difference in your life. You’ve used it to solve some problems and make a few valuable breakthroughs in how you think, feel and communicate. And you want to let other people know about it.
So you begin enthusiastically telling them about this wonderfully effective and powerful body of knowledge and how easily you can use to change your lie and so on and on and on!
Already you’re getting sceptical looks; you’re beginning to sound like a born-again convert to some cult or religion. Continue reading
NLP and the T.A.T.E Model
The T.A.T.E. Model is great for identifying what accounts for success or failure in how we do things. We use it in our NLP Practitioner courses and it’s simply an adaptation of the famous T.O.T.E. model which was published over fifty years ago by Miller, Gallanter and Pribram.
Simply put, the TATE enables you to identify 4 elements in how someone does something i.e. in their strategy or programme for doing something.
- Trigger: How to you know when to begin doing something – and what is your goal or objective?
- Action: Once you’ve begun what exactly do you do – and how do you assess your progress towards your objective?
- Target: How clearly have you defined this objective – so that you’ll know when you’ve reached it?
- Exit: What do you do when you’re finished? Continue reading
Living vicariously – or living
This month’s Pegasus NLP Newsletter is about the difference between living a fulfilling life and living your life second hand – i.e. living or living vicariously.
Many of us don’t live fulfilling lives i.e. we get by from day to day in comfort but without a real sense of fulfilment i.e. the fulfilment that comes from fulfilling our personal values. We’re filling in time rather than living.
To avoid having to face this reality or the mundanity of a life that is not purposeful and fulfilling we have come up with ‘things to look forward to’ such as favourite TV programmes, computer games, and holidays. As a result much of the year can be taken up with looking forward to the holiday or looking back on one. Or in living our lives through other people as in gossip magazines, TV reality programmes, or TV knockout talent series.
(I know of people who will spend 2-4 hours nightly watching such programmes – they spend around 25% of their waking lives in front of the TV).
The danger with this is that, because everyone else appears to be doing it, it seems like a normal way to live one’s life.
Yet if you live your life according to your personal values you can have an on-going sense of fulfilment, involvement and purpose. The TV or the holiday becomes the icing on the cake rather than the cake itself!
The newsletter is posted here: http://www.nlp-now.co.uk/nlp_newsletter_current.htm
NLP Hype
The five of us were sitting in the sunshine outside a café in the lovely little Victorian town of Swanage this morning – Julie, Peter, their two boys, and myself. And despite our best intentions the conversation drifted back to NLP – a few times.
We got to remarking on the NLP Hype that so many people still subscribe to through exhortations and exclamations along the lines
- Unleash your potential
- Have compelling goals
- Be the best you can be
- Awaken the giant within
- Live your life with passion
- You have a right to be the best there
- Aim for unlimited power in your life
And so on, ad nauseum… Continue reading
We’re in the business of…???
The car ahead of me was advertising their products. I could tell that much because of the big lettering on the car boot (i.e. trunk in the US). They also had their mobile telephone number in big bright letters across the width of the boot, too, so would-be customers could phone them.
So I could see what they sold and how to telephone them (if, that is, I could memorise an 11-digit number while safely driving).
And that was as much as I could glean. Continue reading
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