Pegasus NLP Blog

I was asked for advice on what to do about anger – so I explained as simply as possible how we do the Anger Habit:

1. People who get angry (let’s just say it’s ‘us’) do so because we have a strong sense of justice and fairness…
2. We believe/decide that something is not fair or is unjust – or we believe that Other People should do things our way i.e. obey our ‘rules’
3. In other words we want to be able to control the behaviour of Other People
4. But, of course, Other People don’t want to be controlled by us – so they refuse to obey our rules
5. So we get angry – sometimes even violent – in the hope that this will intimidate the Other People, and that they will give in and behave themselves according to our rules.
6. But until we give up this need to control Other People – and accept that they won’t obey us – we’ll continue to get angry and continue to have pretty unsatisfactory relationships.
7. However some people with the ‘anger habit’ find it very difficult to give up this need to control Other People
8. Because they don’t like the thought of others ‘getting away with it’
9. So they carry on getting angry.  Getting frustrated.  Losing friends.  And even losing their liberty, if things get out of hand.
10. Until eventually (hopefully) they realise that they cannot control everyone else in the world and that sometimes people will get away with it. That’s how it is

And there’s a lot more information here:  http://www.pe2000.com/anger.htm