Comments on: Relationships and NLP http://pegasusnlpblog.com/relationships-and-nlp NLP for people who like to think for themselves! Thu, 09 Feb 2012 19:12:42 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Reg http://pegasusnlpblog.com/relationships-and-nlp/comment-page-1#comment-153 Reg Fri, 13 Feb 2009 20:52:00 +0000 http://pegasusnlpblog.com/?p=67#comment-153 I don't think any of us is immune to, or averse to, game-playing, Graham. In using NLP to model the Toxic Games I had a few uncomfortable moments of recognition! (Incidentaly, they're not all posted in the blog by any means - will get around to posting a few more soon, if enough interest is shown in them). And I do think that the first application of the Toxic Games idea is to recognise the games we play, ourselves! And to eliminate them as we identify them. The second application is in self defence - not necessarily by interacting with the game-player but by identifying the game and deciding not to get, as you term it, 'sucked in'. I don’t think any of us is immune to, or averse to, game-playing, Graham.

In using NLP to model the Toxic Games I had a few uncomfortable moments of recognition! (Incidentaly, they’re not all posted in the blog by any means – will get around to posting a few more soon, if enough interest is shown in them).

And I do think that the first application of the Toxic Games idea is to recognise the games we play, ourselves! And to eliminate them as we identify them.

The second application is in self defence – not necessarily by interacting with the game-player but by identifying the game and deciding not to get, as you term it, ‘sucked in’.

]]> By: Graham http://pegasusnlpblog.com/relationships-and-nlp/comment-page-1#comment-150 Graham Sun, 08 Feb 2009 07:54:32 +0000 http://pegasusnlpblog.com/?p=67#comment-150 I have a very old and battered copy of Games People Play and I agree that is well worth reading, 44 years on. I think that antidotes to toxic games are not so easy to find because there are some very sophisticated game players out there (perhaps we all play a few games). Even for people with high levels of awareness, a clever player can still suck them into their game. Once you are sucked in, the player will give you all kinds of reasons (and rewards) to stay in the game and that often includes a variety of threats should you walk away. After a long time and some tough experiences, I have found that my best strategy to decline or back-out of a game is to keep my highest values at the forefront of my mind. And then to carefully evaluate the threats of regret which might come my way and have the courage to act on my judgement. I'd be interested in your views on this Reg. Of course, it is important to recognise and understand toxic games, but what to do if you find yourself 'trapped' in one? - Graham. I have a very old and battered copy of Games People Play and I agree that is well worth reading, 44 years on.
I think that antidotes to toxic games are not so easy to find because there are some very sophisticated game players out there (perhaps we all play a few games). Even for people with high levels of awareness, a clever player can still suck them into their game.
Once you are sucked in, the player will give you all kinds of reasons (and rewards) to stay in the game and that often includes a variety of threats should you walk away.
After a long time and some tough experiences, I have found that my best strategy to decline or back-out of a game is to keep my highest values at the forefront of my mind. And then to carefully evaluate the threats of regret which might come my way and have the courage to act on my judgement.
I’d be interested in your views on this Reg. Of course, it is important to recognise and understand toxic games, but what to do if you find yourself ‘trapped’ in one?

- Graham.

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