Comments on: NLP & 6 Relationship Freedoms: (5) A life of your own http://pegasusnlpblog.com/nlp-relationship-freedoms-your-own-life practical nlp applications & ideas Sun, 20 May 2012 04:57:37 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Simon Roskrow http://pegasusnlpblog.com/nlp-relationship-freedoms-your-own-life/comment-page-1#comment-515 Simon Roskrow Wed, 02 Sep 2009 14:19:56 +0000 http://pegasusnlpblog.com/?p=364#comment-515 I couldn't agree more Sarah - I've certainly come across couples who seem so "joined at the hip" that they are almost interchangeable, and I've wondered (quietly) whether - after many years - they actually have anything to talk about at all. However, to err (slightly) on the opposite side, part of the journey-sharing is learning and experiencing new things, and that may well mean joining in your partner's activities even if they are not naturally yours. As long as this is broad enough to allow "dipping in" to things on occasion, it can both served as a support when you're there, and as allowing freedom when you're not. It can also help to stop you (as an individual or a couple) getting into a rut of inflexibility and a limited range of activities. Common sense really, but it is a balance between the enjoyment and challenge of being in someone else's model of the world, and having the time to be in your own too. My wife has (at what I consider to be a late stage in my life) introduced me to heavy and thrash metal - not my natural choice, but I've certainly learnt new things by joining in (occasionally!). I couldn’t agree more Sarah – I’ve certainly come across couples who seem so “joined at the hip” that they are almost interchangeable, and I’ve wondered (quietly) whether – after many years – they actually have anything to talk about at all.

However, to err (slightly) on the opposite side, part of the journey-sharing is learning and experiencing new things, and that may well mean joining in your partner’s activities even if they are not naturally yours. As long as this is broad enough to allow “dipping in” to things on occasion, it can both served as a support when you’re there, and as allowing freedom when you’re not. It can also help to stop you (as an individual or a couple) getting into a rut of inflexibility and a limited range of activities.

Common sense really, but it is a balance between the enjoyment and challenge of being in someone else’s model of the world, and having the time to be in your own too. My wife has (at what I consider to be a late stage in my life) introduced me to heavy and thrash metal – not my natural choice, but I’ve certainly learnt new things by joining in (occasionally!).

]]> By: Sarah Ross http://pegasusnlpblog.com/nlp-relationship-freedoms-your-own-life/comment-page-1#comment-353 Sarah Ross Sun, 23 Aug 2009 12:38:38 +0000 http://pegasusnlpblog.com/?p=364#comment-353 When the freedom to also be an individual is restricted, and I experience everything with someone - what is there left to talk about? When our lives become one - we have memories of the same places and people - not necessarily the same memories but the anchors are of "we" and "US" and not "i". Hence when the relationship breaks down, the fear of never being the same is because I only recall positive states as being part of a couple and not as an individual. Where I allow the other person the freedom to have their own life, and enjoy that freedom myself, there is always something to talk about/experiences to share e.g. what have you been doing? The time we spend as a couple is richer for our individual journeys as well as our shared experiences, and there is always plenty to talk about. At the end of the day I want a life partner to be my best friend and not my clone! Therefore both of us need to live our own lives as well as sharing a journey together. When the freedom to also be an individual is restricted, and I experience everything with someone – what is there left to talk about? When our lives become one – we have memories of the same places and people – not necessarily the same memories but the anchors are of “we” and “US” and not “i”. Hence when the relationship breaks down, the fear of never being the same is because I only recall positive states as being part of a couple and not as an individual.

Where I allow the other person the freedom to have their own life, and enjoy that freedom myself, there is always something to talk about/experiences to share e.g. what have you been doing? The time we spend as a couple is richer for our individual journeys as well as our shared experiences, and there is always plenty to talk about.

At the end of the day I want a life partner to be my best friend and not my clone! Therefore both of us need to live our own lives as well as sharing a journey together.

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