practical nlp applications & ideas
I began the ’6 Freedoms’ posts back in February. The series evolved out of my preparation for my presentation at the 2008 London NLP Conference (I’m presenting at the 2009 NLP Conference too, btw).
The 6 Freeedoms series is about challenging the concept that being in a relationship is about duty and responsibility and ownership rather than about happily sharing at least part of our journey through life together – and for as long as it suits each party.
The first four of the 6 Freedoms appeared (links here) sporadically over the months since February 2009 and then, because of the very few comments made on the blog articles, I decided that the series didn’t have enough interest to continue them. But I was wrong – as is evidenced by what people have said. Over the past few weeks I have had a question on the Pegasus Twitter (@pegasusnlp) as well as some emails asking when the series will be resumed (email address is “reg at pegasusnlp(dot)com” – you’ll have to add the @ and the . because otherwise my spam will rocket!)
So then I checked the Blog stats and it does, indeed, appear as if the series has evoked quite a bit of interest.
As a result the next two in the series (plus a wondering-out-loud about a possible seventh) will appear over the next few days.
I know I’d certainly appreciate them – and am intrigued by the possible 7th!
At a very basic level, one particularly interesting bit is the balance between the “duty, responsibility, ownership” part which is being challenged, and the “happy sharing” part. Speaking as someone who has managed to be on his second marriage by his mid-thirties, I lay no claims to expertise, but certainly have an interest!
My (current) view is that the balance of the two (in two separate dimensions) is critical. I think there needs to be a balance within each individual between acknowledging that there is the choice to continue or end the relationship (or little parts of it/activities in it), and that some duty and responsibility does exist and that your actions will have an impact on the other. The second dimension is that it’s helpful if the balance between these two aspects is at least similar in both of the parties involved.
I think the biggest challenge is when the balance between the two parties is too dissimilar. If both feel huge amounts of “freedom”, things can (but not always) work well, but equally I think it might (perhaps not always) work if both feel huge amounts of duty and responsibility. A significant problem area would seem to arise if one partner is dutiful and responsible, and the other is a “freedom lover”. I struggle to see how a relationship with that imbalance could every survive, let alone thrive.