I too really enjoyed your post. I have two graduate degrees in Linguistics, but have just recently started training in NLP. The Meta Model really brought home to me the power of language and the strong associations between thought and language. Self-esteem is a perfect example for using language to change beliefs about ourselves at the unconscious level resulting in improved self-esteem.

Thanks – will explore this with the next Practitioner group (and credit you, of course )

If I remember ‘child’ response was drawn from the state we remembered as children; highly emotional, ‘parent’ is the response of mimicking our parents or peer group, adult state maybe ‘Spock like’ but probably corresponds more to Satir’s ‘leveller’.

Since we learn’t this I try to catch myself as I find myself in different modes and have a dialogue
‘what ARE you doing now?’
‘Oh I’m in Child mode’
…
‘and is that achieving anything?’
‘no but I like it’
…
‘and how are your colleagues/children viewing you?’
Wearisome sigh and switch to Adult.

Matt

Dealing with Blamers? Placating or Distracting is unlikely to be effective. So that leaves Computer mode as the ideal first line of response.

Blamers like to get an emotional reaction whether this be of aggression or fear – Computer mode denies them this; in this mode we stick to the facts and ask them to provide evidence to support their accusations.

Reg

Interesting post.

Despite being neither an Englishman nor a sports fan, I love watching the Worlds Series. In more ways than one, the game is a celebration of the secondary strategy process: the tension between opponents (gladiator-like signs of victory when winning a leg), the ref announcing the score in a varied emphatic way, changing the formulation: “Raymond **requires**”, which would act as an anchor for letting the player know that s/he can win in that round.

Darts could be perceived as an unintentional celebration of David Gordon’s point that, to be good at something has more to do with sustaining and adjusting the skill with the many things that can get you “off centre”.

The mentally stepping back plus taking things one step at a time is a sound approach.

With issues like this many people want instant fixes e.g. hypnostise me, use a magic NLP trick on me, etc.

Such things may be of help but do not take away the need for on-going, steady persistent ‘puppy training’ – replacing old neural templates with new ones.

The ‘how important will this be in 6 months time?’ question gives a nice sense of perspective.

Reg

As someone who was very successful at the low self-esteem habit for many years I appreciate your article. For me it was the ‘must try harder’ messages and ‘you can do better’ that allowed me to firmly anchor this habit.

I like your very practical approach to breaking the habit. Taking action one step at a time. One thing that works for me is to mentally take a step back and to see (or hear or feel) myself doing it. This is not easy in the moment but asking the question ‘how important will this be in six months time?’ helps me. By doing this I can both dissociate from whatever is happening and get a different perpective on it. Things which seem of vital importance in the moment suddenly become just a part of everyday life. I can take the appropriate action and move on.