Author Archive

How we programme our own moods

How we interpret events and then have feelings as a result of our own interpretation is the main topic in today’s Pegasus NLP Newsletter.

The article takes a look at how we attach meaning to what is happening around us and how the meaning which we attach then determines how we feel.

The NLP Meta Model

The process has traditionally been called “Complex Equivalence” in the wonderful NLP Meta Model. (Here in Pegasus NLP, in our quest to make NLP more user-friendly and jargon-free, we opt for the more descriptive title “Attaching Meaning” because this actually describes what is happening.

An ‘automatic’ process

Because we do it so quickly – and unconsciously – we rarely recognise that the significance which we attach to an event is often quite arbitrary. And, since we’ve been doing it like this for years, we rarely  consider what other possible meanings or interpretations we might attach to the event – unless, of course, we use the Meta Model to monitor our thinking.

It’s bank holiday weekend!

The Dorset Coast, when I live, is a popular visitor destination and I’ve long ago learned from the locals that it’s best to avoid travelling locally on bank holiday weekends.

But yesterday I took a chance. And got caught in a traffic jam. It wasn’t a long one – just about 15 mins and in beautiful surroundings – so it gave me a chance to more closely admire the countryside I normally whiz through at 60 mph.

One extra day off

It also gave me food for thought and conversation. We have just 8 bank holidays here in the UK. This is fewer than many countries: Spain has 14 and Italy 16. India has just 3 ‘national’ holidays though you can get other days off depending on your religion. Read the rest of this entry »

Do you give yourself a hard time?

What you do when you slip up? When you make a mistake, forget something, screw up, open your mouth and (metaphorically) put your foot in it, do something embarrassing, etc.

If you’re like most of us you give yourself a hard time about it. You pile on the guilt. Harangue yourself. Resort to endless self-criticism. Relive the awkward or embarrassing or failure moment over and over again.

All accompanied by the self talk: why can’t you ever get anything right! You stupid, stupid person! How can you be so foolish/silly/careless/short-sighted/… (plus anything else you’d like to add). Read the rest of this entry »

Good NLP myths don’t die

Yep, it’s back yet again – the NLP Lie-Detector myth or lie.  I’ve just come across a Google Alerts’ reference to this NLP lie-detector article from Alabama’s North Jefferson News.

What myth?? You know, it’s the one which says that you can tell if a person is lying by whether they look up to the right or to the left when you ask them a question.

The Myth

In essence it suggests that if you ask someone a question and their eyes move up and to their left they ‘should be’ remembering something they have already seen.  And if they look up and to their right they ‘are’ creating or making up an image.

So if I ask you a question and you look up and to your right this shows me that you are making up the answer i.e. you are lying. Simple! And false.

(By the way, there’s a previous Pegasus NLP Blog article about the lie-detector myth published in February 2008.) Read the rest of this entry »

For many people there is a certain satisfaction in giving others good advice on how to solve their problems or live their lives. And these people find it quite frustrating when, after carefully designing and delivering the advice,  the recipient doesn’t follow it: they either ignore it completely or follow for a while and then fall back into the old ways.

The today’s issue (27 July 2010) of the Pegasus NLP Newsletter explores the issue of advice giving and why it can be so difficult to get people to change their behaviours – even when such behaviours are plainly causing them problems.

Why people don’t follow advice

The reasons why people do not follow advice can be many and varied. The advice may not be suitable for them. They may not like being talked at. Read the rest of this entry »

NLP and traditional health enhancement

Before I began to specialise in NLP training I ran stress management workshops for a number of years beginning back in 1983. Often I would be running two to five 2-hour workshops in any week in the Bournemouth-Poole area in Dorset (UK). And I also had a private psychotherapy and counselling practise in which I saw people individually.

During this time I had the privilege of encountering some great people who were making inspiring changes in their lives.

This process continued, albeit in a slightly different way, when I began concentrating on ‘pure’ NLP training programmes from the early 2000′s . I still encountered (and still encounter) many, many people who are making wonderful changes in their lives. Read the rest of this entry »

The cost of Get it Right

In Part 1 we looked at the way the Get it Right attitude works and I suggested having a think about how it works in your own life and what it’s cost you to date.

If you’ve done this you’ll be aware of the lost opportunities resulting from it; those ‘if only’ moments when the need to Get It Right held you back or sabotaged you.

‘Get it Right’ is stressful, too

Another less-obvious effect is how stressful and tiring this attitude can be: all that thinking, the evaluating of risks, the seeking to avoid mistakes Read the rest of this entry »

The Get it Right Attitude

You probably know the ‘get it right attitude’. It’s the one that is backed up by clichés such as ‘if a job’s worth doing it’s worth doing properly’! It’s the attitude that prevents so many of us doing so many things.

It goes along the lines: there’s no point in starting because I won’t be able to do it properly and people will find fault with it!

It’s also the attitude that gets in the way of actually finishing things – because if you finish something it won’t be perfect and people wil find fault with it and therefore you’ll have failed!

But… if you don’t finish it it’s still work in progress, so you can’t be criticised. Read the rest of this entry »

NLP techniques don’t work for me!

Not long ago I got an email: ‘I have been reading … (naming a well-known NLP-based self improvement book) and listening to the accompanying CD which a friend of mine has used quite successfully and recommended to me.

I am struggling with it because much of it seems to rely being able to clearly visualise some scenario and feel all the feelings associated with it. I find it very hard to visualise (hard to visualise the good stuff at least) and even harder to feel it so I am becoming rather disillusioned with the whole process – especially when the book tells me how great I will be feeling after doing some visualization, and I actually feel nothing.’ Read the rest of this entry »

We’d like you to train our team

The regional manager for the multinational had taken part, as a private individual, in our NLP Core Skills course a few months earlier and (of course ) was very impressed with it. So much so that he was now approaching us to quote for a training programme.

He wanted a 3-day Team Development training for his 40-strong team so they could learn NLP skills and experience the benefits of the High & Low Ropes Challenge course which he had experienced on NLP Core Skills.

Now a three-day training for such group, who would be flying in to the UK from mainland Europe, was an impressive request. The profit from it and the opportunity to run the programme for other regions of the multinational certainly got my attention. Read the rest of this entry »