I was asked for advice on what to do about anger – so I explained as simply as possible how we do the Anger Habit:
- People who get angry (let’s just say it’s ‘us’) do so because we have a strong sense of justice and fairness…
- We believe/decide that something is not fair or is unjust – or we believe that Other People should do things our way i.e. obey our ‘rules’
- In other words we want to be able to control the behaviour of Other People
- But, of course, Other People don’t want to be controlled by us – so they refuse to obey our rules
- So we get angry – sometimes even violent – in the hope that this will intimidate the Other People, and that they will give in and behave themselves according to our rules.
- But until we give up this need to control Other People – and accept that they won’t obey us – we’ll continue to get angry and continue to have pretty unsatisfactory relationships.
- However some people with the ‘anger habit’ find it very difficult to give up this need to control Other People
- Because they don’t like the thought of others ‘getting away with it’
- So they carry on getting angry. Getting frustrated. Losing friends. And even losing their liberty, if things get out of hand.
- Until eventually (hopefully) they realise that they cannot control everyone else in the world and that sometimes people will get away with it. That’s how it is
(There is a series of articles dealing with anger in our Mind-Body Health website : http://www.pe2000.com/anger.html)