Archive for March, 2010

I recently had the interesting experience of, in one week, having an extended chat with two people. One of them was much more interested in telling me about their world and their views than in hearing what I thought. The other was more interested in what I was talking about and what I was interested in… Read the rest of this entry »

“I’m feeling overwhelmed”

No less than three people (friends, relatives, colleagues) – in one day (today, that is) have said to me that they felt ‘stressed’ and they each described their experience in different ways (1) overwhelmed by everything (2) buckling under the pressure and (3) really stressed out.

Wanting to help

Most of us, in such a situation, feel a natural urge to alleviate their pain and help them out.

So we run into the nearest (remaining) telephone both and change into our Superman/Superwoman outfit and move Into Advice Giving Mode. Now as Super-Helper we begin telling them how to run their lives! Read the rest of this entry »

The NLP rapport creating techniques do not actually create rapport. But they do get things off to a good start.

Rapport is ‘created’ by, or develops out of, how you and the other person are relating with one another moment-by-moment; and especially by the non-verbal indicators of yours and the other person’s agendas. If these agendas are based on a win-win approach (see the previous article in this series) and are supported by mutual respect (in a forthcoming article) then the techniques will definitely smooth the way and speed things up.

If you merely rely on the techniques things may get off to a good start but are unlikely to produce enduring rapport. Read the rest of this entry »

Stay on track

Toward the end of every Pegasus NLP course the question arises of how to keep the momentum – the buzz of enthusiasm – going afterwards, when you’re back in the world of everyday home life and work life.

It’s easy to stay focussed and enthusiastic while at the course. You’re in a wonderful cosy ‘NLP bubble’ learning, mixing and chatting, or even living with (an option on our courses for those who want a full-immersion experience of NLP) like-minded and enthusiastic people – a great way of learning and wiring-in the material. Read the rest of this entry »

Time for change

Back in the mid 70’s I got fed up earning quite good money but with little job satisfaction. I was in charge of the new computer department for a large firm in the City of London. This was before I encountered NLP so I didn’t know about living life according to one’s values – I just knew I wasn’t feeling fulfilled and that too much of the ‘quite good money’ was being spent on ‘things and events’ i.e. on compensations for not living a fulfilling life!

Anyway, I decided to take a sabbatical and do something for fun while I decided what to do next with my life.

So for nearly year I indulged my passion for motorcycling by working as a despatch rider (or motorcycle courier). That year of sitting in the saddle for up to 12 hours a day and in all weathers put paid to my passion for motorcycling and so I again changed direction.

An uncomfortable lesson

I taught myself to make and market my own gold and silver jewellery (long story, there, and for another time). My jewellery making career got off to an enthusiastic start but quickly became financially disastrous – until I met a great mentor.

I’d arrived, unannounced, at his jewellery shop in Watford (in Herts, UK) and wanted to sell him my designs. He briefly looked them and said ‘Look, I’m busy – I haven’t got time to talk with you now but if you call around to my home we can look at them’. He gave me directions and next evening I called to meet him and his family.

His opinion of my work wasn’t flattering. Nor was his opinion of my presentation. Nor, especially, of my sales’ approach! Read the rest of this entry »

She didn’t dither nor mess about. She got straight to the point. She wanted information which she knew she had a right to and she expected me to give to her!

Her email arrived today via our web contact form and read: ‘I am actually getting fear of closed spaces I want to treat myself and help my followers in my sports profession.. many undergoing these symptoms.’

That’s it – exactly as it arrived (apart from her contact details, of course. No attempt to create rapport. No real information. No reason for me to respond. )

The pe2000.com website

The message came via our pe2000.com website which provides free information about how we can manage our emotions and deal more effectively with anger, panic, fears, phobias and so on. Most of  the information is based on my experience and observations from working with individual clients as a psychotherapist and with groups as a stress management trainer since 1984. Read the rest of this entry »

In relating with other people many of us unintentionally sabotage the rapport we are trying to create! We are so desperately anxious to get along well with someone and to create a good impression that we simply try too hard. As result we come across as nervous, tense, jumpy, pushy, preoccupied, or bossy – or a confusing mix of all of these.

We are trying to impress rather than to communicate. And because we are not at ease with ourselves we cause others to feel ill-at-ease. Read the rest of this entry »