pegasus nlp blog

…looking at ourselves and others through NLP eyes…

Stay flexible- reframe events to suit youSorry, we’ve got to change your appointment

My quarterly appointment with the dental hygienist was at 11:40 AM today. The practice is about 30 minutes away so I was due to leave at about 11 AM.  And I got a phone call from the receptionist at 9:40 AM to say that she was ‘ever so sorry’ but could I rebook for a different date.

She was really apologetic and explained that the hygienist had phoned in to say she was unwell.  I said: “that’s fine.  It’s not your fault – let’s look at the diary…” and we sorted out another date in 3 weeks time.

Even after this she was still apologetic.  I reassured her and explained that I fully understood what a difficult task she had this morning, having had to cancel my own appointments on occasions over the years. Continue reading

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let babies cry themselves to sleep???“Letting babies cry themselves to sleep is good says latest research”

It must be true – it’s scientifically proven: let babies cry themselves to sleep.

That is, according to the Daily Mail (the headline is from their website) and nearly 2,000 other online and offline publications.  Their claim is based on scientific research at Flinders University in Australia and published in the peer-reviewed ‘Pediatrics’ journal.

The study found that it’s okay to let babies cry themselves to sleep. It was published a few days ago and it’s become headline news around the world – here’s a Google search http://bit.ly/1TS5CJv showing how the story has been picked up. Continue reading

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low self-confidence action stepsWe don’t decide to have low self-confidence

We usually develop the Low Self-Confidence habit when we’re very young.

It usually begins as a result of how people treat us and communicate with us – plus how we make sense of things which happen to us.  Once begun, the habit is maintained by how we think about things that are outside of our Comfort Zone.

But we didn’t deliberately set out to do this – we picked up unuseful ways of thinking and acting when we are quite young. And we then, unknowingly refined and developed this negative thinking habit over the following decades.

Low Self-Confidence is an accident. It’s not a choice. It is not a weakness. It’s a way of thinking and feeling which we accidentally developed when we were young and which we simply got used to!

It became the norm.

It became ‘this is just how I am’.

And this happened by accident.

But it can be changed – by choice.

(Part 1 of the Pegasus NLP Newsletter article on self-confidence looked at how this occurs.) Continue reading

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The Low Self-Confidence Habit (1)Low Self Confidence is a habit – not a condition

People often talk about having low self-esteem or low self-confidence as if these were ‘things’ or aberrant mental conditions that need expert help or treatment.

They are not.  And, though linked, the two are not exactly the same.

What’s more, this way of thinking dis-empowers us.

Self-esteem or self-confidence?

They are not the same. The difference is important to therapists but, in everyday life, most of us use the terms loosely and interchangeably and are more interested changing our feelings than in labelling them.  Continue reading

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Beware of enterprises that require new clothes (Thoreau)“Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes”!

In just 8 words Henry David Thoreau illustrated a common and every effective self-deception tactic…

… we get involved in time-consuming and complex preparations as a way of putting off ‘climbing the mountain’ i.e. making a start on a big new project.

It goes like this:

This is a big project. It’s going to take me way outside my Comfort Zone – well into my Stretch Zone, in fact.

And I could fail.  And disappoint myself. And what would ‘they’ think?

So I’ll make good and sure I don’t fail – I’ll prepare very thoroughly!

And this is where in many cases our automatic, or unconscious, Delaying Programme silently kicks in. And the preparation takes on a life of its own.  Now we find ourselves spending huge amounts of time and probably lots of money ‘preparing’ to start.

And all the time we’re convinced we’re on our way – whereas in actual fact we’re putting off taking the first steps!

This is the topic of this week’s NLP Newsletter and it’s on our website here.

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this time I mean itIt’s that time again

It’s New Year Resolution time, again. When lots of us decide that the start of the New Year is the time for change and for fresh goals. The time to turn our lives around for the better.

So we decide we need goals such as:

  • Lose weight
  • Get fit
  • Give up junk food
  • Quit smoking
  • Drink less alcohol
  • Spend less money – save more
  • Be more motivated, focused…

And we do this despite research suggestions that New Year goals rarely last very long – from a few days to a few weeks (it depends on which bunch of researchers you believe). Continue reading

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3 Things GameThis is a little rapport-creating – and thought-provoking – game or experiment which I made up a few days.

It’s good for getting interesting conversations, and interesting trains of thought, going and you can play this with friends or family … or with yourself.

Choose these 3’s from the past twelve months

3 enjoyable moments – whether with yourself or in company.

3 embarrassing moments – that you can now look back on and, at least, smile…

3 things you’d do differently if you could go back in time – and how you’d do them differently.

3 things you thought were going to be daunting – but, as you look back on them now, turned out to be easy peasy.

3 successes – whether small or big

3 things that, after doing the above, you’re looking forward to in the next year!

No losers in the game. Everyone’s a winner because they get to feel good. And they get to refresh or reframe (that’s the NLP bit) some memories – and to use these to look ahead with a refreshed perspective.

(Note: If you do this with yourself be sure to… do it. Rather than just quickly read it. Like most NLP methods you do need to actively follow the steps.  Yes, on the surface it’s an enjoyable little game but it is also designed to take your thinking and your feelings in a certain direction.)

There is a longer version of this article on our main website

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10803274_sThose really awkward conversations…

Have you ever been in one of those awkward situations where feel tense, the other person is tense, and as the stilted conversation continues, things become more and more tense and uncomfortable for both of you?

This ‘conversational tension’ was the bane of my life in my early days as a trainee accountant and office manager – this was back in my late teens and early twenties and well before I’d discovered NLP. (And even before NLP was invented, too.)

Although group meetings were okay I really dreaded those one to one meetings where it was just the two of you – and I’d just want to escape, to be anywhere other than where I was. Continue reading

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NLP and rapportRapport: how to feel at ease with people

‘Rapport’ is what we experience when we feel comfortable with one another.  When we’re on the same wavelength.  Or share a mutual respect for one another. We can have rapport with one person – or with a group of people, such as a family, group of friends, or work or sports team.

But what is it – and how can be ‘do’ it?

Rapport – essential for communication

In NLP rapport is the essential foundation for good communication. Without rapport there may be a lot of talk but there is little genuine exchange of views.  And this exchange of views emphasises another aspect of rapport: we can be in rapport with someone with who we disagree. 

NLP is famous for its range of methods for ‘creating’ rapport – because the methods do work.

(It’s also justifiably infamous for its rapport-creating methods! Because these are abused. And because many people use these methods as manipulative tactics to get their own way without respect for the other person.  Fortunately, the rapport attained through manipulative use of the methods is usually short-lived and results in long-term resentment towards the manipulator.) Continue reading

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3 Ways to Make People Feel GoodGive gifts - or change feelings?

Giving presents is a ‘funny’ process. And a slightly complicated one, too, if you think about it… If you delve a little deeper – under the bonnet – which is what we do in NLP…

On the surface we give a present because…

  • We want to see the joy and surprise when they open it?
  • To impress them?
  • They’ve just given you one – or you know they’re about to?
  • You feel you should?
  • It’s a certain time of the year – a birthday or holiday period?

Underneath and beneath that surface we do it, hopefully, because we want to make someone feel good.

The only way?

But is giving a present the only way of doing this? Could there be more a direct way of making people feel good? Could there be a way of making people feel good that does not require us to give something in return?

That doesn’t cost money?

That doesn’t depend on a calendar date?

That isn’t limited to family or friends?

(In case you hadn’t guessed the answer is ‘yes’ – and it’s the subject of this month’s Pegasus NLP Newsletter)

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Staying in the ‘stretch’ – just!

by Matt Swain

Pegasus NLP has a model called ‘10% New’; it has a nice ring to it and means constantly stretching ourselves.  The more we stay in stretch the more our unconscious recognises this and re-normalises our comfort zone.

When I began with Pegasus many years ago, middle aged and set in my ways, I learnt this model and tried a few things; they didn’t work and I gave up.

Going on to complete the NLP Practitioner Programme I realised that it was my approach that was wrong, not the model.

Let’s have another go

What I was trying to do was too much, taking the 10% a bit literally. Continue reading

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Light candles or curse the darkAn unseasonable  summer in the UK

Here in the UK we’ve had an ‘unseasonable’ summer. Since the latter part of July when the schools broke up for their summer holidays the weather has changed from being warm and balmy to cool, wet, blustery and quite unpleasant for those people, who still expect typical summer weather – or, as it is now becoming, traditional summer weather like in the old days.

And it is interesting how we have responded to this.

What do you do when life doesn’t go according to your plan?

Some people like to complain and wait for others to make things right for them.  Others roll up their sleeves and start changing things to how they want them – and, on the occasions when this doesn’t work, they back off and change their attitude to the situation.  The light candles rather than bemoan the darkness!

However these people are in a minority. Most people prefer to moan – and to then go about ‘recruiting’ others to their way doing things. Or, to be more precise, not doing things.

This is the subject of this month’s Pegasus NLP Newsletter and the full article is here

(The article heading? It’s one of my favourite sayings – an adaptation of an old Chinese proverb.)

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